Wanting...

Recently, I have greatly wanted a new permanent position at an organization where I have been volunteering. For at least half of my almost full year volunteer position, signs have been, lightly at first, and then pounding me, eventually, off the head. This position wasn't right for me. I could not be happy in such an environment and most importantly, it's not what the universe had in mind for me. Nevertheless, I proceeded -- in part my wanting was encouraged by false promises, but I am fully responsible for ignoring the signs -- I thought I knew better and I wanted the signs to not exist. Intellectually, I actually knew I was being promised things that no one intended on keeping, but I persisted -- I WANTED that position. The universe was laying another path before me and because it was less direct and I couldn't see the end, my pride took over and it culminated in an emotionally charged and, frankly, toxic week. I now have to trust that the universe will take care of me even though I do not know and can't control what will happen next. I have to let go of my anger and trust in nature's justice system. Betty Laverdure, an Ojibway pioneer in tribal court reform, once said "Everything's a circle. We're each responsible for our own actions. It will come back." Going into another work week, I will keep Ms. Laverdure's words in mind as I consider my own actions and let go of the actions of others.